I don’t know about you, but the first time I saw a queer character on screen who actually felt like me, it was like someone cracked open a secret door I didn’t know existed. For me, that moment was watching Beautiful Thing on a scratchy VHS tape I’d rented from the one indie video store in town that dared to have a “Gay/Lesbian” section hidden behind the foreign films. I must’ve been fifteen or sixteen, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, lights off, terrified my mom might walk in, and there it was: two awkward boys, figuring out who they were, falling in love without the world immediately ending. I swear I held my breath for the entire runtime.
The First Time Films Saw Me Back
Queer coming-of-age movies are like time capsules for emotions. They’re messy, tender, sometimes tragic, sometimes giddy, but always—always—honest. Watching Moonlight for the first time, I felt this ache in my chest that didn’t quite go away for days. That moment on the beach? You know the one. It felt like the kind of intimacy we were never supposed to see on screen, but there it was—quiet, vulnerable, devastatingly beautiful.
Then there’s Love, Simon, which I’ll admit I went into with a bit of side-eye because I thought it might be too glossy, too safe. But honestly? I cried. Like full-on ugly cried. Because here was a mainstream teen rom-com, backed by a major studio, letting a gay kid have the Ferris wheel kiss he deserved. Fifteen-year-old me would’ve killed for that movie. Instead, I had American Pie and an endless parade of “token gay best friends” played for laughs.
And let’s not forget Call Me by Your Name. The Italian sunlight, the peaches (yes, those peaches), the ache of first love wrapped in art and languid summer days. That final shot of Timothée Chalamet crying by the fireplace might be one of the most accurate depictions of heartbreak I’ve ever seen on screen.
The Messy Middle Ground
Not every queer coming-of-age film is soft-focus and affirming. Some are chaotic and raw, and that’s part of why I love them. Pariah absolutely gutted me in the best possible way. It’s about identity, family, and the jagged edges of growing up when your truth doesn’t match the script your parents wrote for you.
Or take The Miseducation of Cameron Post. It’s not an easy watch—conversion therapy never is—but there’s something incredibly defiant about the way it balances trauma with friendship and resilience.
Blue is the Warmest Color might be divisive (and rightfully criticized for how it was made), but for a lot of folks, it cracked open conversations about queer first loves and obsession. Similarly, Tomboy—about a French child navigating gender identity—hit me with such gentle honesty. Céline Sciamma has a gift for capturing adolescence in all its messy, questioning glory (Water Lilies deserves a nod here too).
Mysterious Skin is another one that doesn’t flinch. It’s haunting, painful, and deeply unsettling, but it tackles trauma in a way that feels brutally honest. Same goes for God’s Own Country, which somehow manages to mix heartbreak, mud, tenderness, and hope all in one windswept Yorkshire farm setting.
And Maurice—based on E.M. Forster’s novel—remains one of the most quietly radical queer love stories ever put to film.
The Quirky Comforts
Sometimes, though, I want my queer teen stories to be weird and a little awkward—because, let’s be real, being a teenager is weird and awkward. Edge of Seventeen (the 1998 one, not the Hailee Steinfeld one) was another VHS discovery for me, and it remains one of my favorites.
Then there’s But I’m a Cheerleader—camp, satire, bubblegum-pink absurdity—and yet, underneath all the silliness, it nails the reality of compulsory heterosexuality and how ridiculous (and damaging) those expectations are.
Other films in this camp? Geography Club, GBF, Alex Strangelove, Crush, and the Brazilian gem The Way He Looks, which is basically a warm hug of a film.
The Quiet Gems
Some films never make the mainstream but deserve love. North Sea Texas, a small Belgian film, is beautifully understated and tender. Summer of 85 (French, dramatic, seaside) captures teenage obsession and grief in a way that hit me harder than I expected.
Closet Monster—with its surreal touches (yes, that hamster voiced by Isabella Rossellini)—is one of the most inventive portrayals of queer fear and desire I’ve ever seen.
My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) deserves its flowers too—an interracial gay romance set against Thatcher-era tensions in London.
I also can’t not mention My Own Private Idaho. River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves wandering through street hustling, Shakespearean monologues, and desolate highways—messy, tragic, beautiful. Same goes for Beau Travail—queer desire wrapped in French Foreign Legion uniforms and hypnotic dance sequences.
And if we’re talking groundbreaking, Torch Song Trilogy and Milk both deserve special status. The first gave us Harvey Fierstein’s wry, biting, devastatingly human portrait of love and loss. The second (with Sean Penn as Harvey Milk) gave us a history lesson in activism that still inspires me to this day.
Why These Films Matter
The thing about queer coming-of-age films is that they don’t just tell stories—they give permission. They whisper, “You’re not the only one.” When I was a teenager, that whisper was everything. Today, I think about some kid in a small town scrolling through streaming platforms, stumbling onto Heartstopper, Anything’s Possible, or Saturday Church, and feeling seen for the first time.
Even now, I still devour these movies. They remind me of all the versions of myself I’ve been: the scared kid hiding DVDs under my bed, the young adult finding courage in messy indie films, the grown-up who can finally laugh, cry, and cheer along without shame.
So yeah, this is my love letter to queer coming-of-age films. To the VHS tapes, the festival indies, the Netflix originals, the Milwaukee LGBT Film Festival (RIP), the hidden gems, and the big glossy rom-coms. You held my hand when no one else did. You cracked open doors I didn’t know I was allowed to walk through. And you still keep reminding me that queer joy, queer pain, queer first loves—they all matter, and they all deserve to be told.
Thanks for listening to me gush. Now tell me—what was your first queer coming-of-age film?
Queer Coming-of-Age Starter Pack (A Non-Comprehensive but Totally Loving List)
- Beautiful Thing (1996)
- Moonlight (2016)
- Love, Simon (2018)
- Call Me by Your Name (2017)
- Pariah (2011)
- The Miseducation of Cameron Post (2018)
- Blue is the Warmest Color (2013)
- Tomboy (2011)
- Water Lilies (2007)
- Mysterious Skin (2004)
- God’s Own Country (2017)
- Maurice (1987)
- Edge of Seventeen (1998)
- But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)
- Geography Club (2013)
- GBF (2013)
- Alex Strangelove (2018)
- Crush (2022)
- The Way He Looks (2014)
- North Sea Texas (2011)
- Summer of 85 (2020)
- Closet Monster (2015)
- My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)
- My Own Private Idaho (1991)
- Beau Travail (1999)
- Torch Song Trilogy (1988)
- Milk (2008)