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You are here: Home / Archives for Personal Growth

Personal Growth

On Resentment

August 1, 2021 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

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Today I came across a quote by Nelson Mandela that reads, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”  I’ve come across this particular one before, and each time, it resonated with me strongly.

I know quite a few people that are extremely angry and resentful toward others who have wronged them in some way. This could be an ex-lover/spouse or someone who got promoted when they didn’t. I know someone who broke up with their ex years ago, and they still talk about them with vitriol, like the event happened only yesterday.

I’ve seen this kind of internalized resentment tear people apart the longer they hold onto it. It pollutes our thoughts and blocks us from living contented lives. It’s as if by remaining angry that they can somehow hurt the person at whom that anger is directed. But what happens instead is that our bitterness only affects ourselves. Hell — the other person doesn’t even know we’re angry (and probably wouldn’t care if they did). It does not affect them in the least, no matter how much we consciously or subconsciously wish pain upon them.

This is why it’s often said that we don’t forgive people for their sake but for ours. Forgiving someone doesn’t say that what they did was okay. Rather, forgiveness is for our own benefit. It’s to grant us the ability to move on and put all of those resentments behind us so we can begin to heal. After all, the damage has been done. It’s over and finished. Holding onto it will never change what happened. The only thing left to do is to let it go.

People may tell us that we need to “forgive and forget,” and as we all know, that’s much easier said than done. It may take a while and may even require counseling — or at the very least, a non-judgmental friend with whom you can unburden yourself.

What worked for me in the past was to recognize those negative thoughts the moment they popped up and replace them with positive ones. Expressing gratitude for all of the existing gifts in my life also helped me.

But most importantly, I also reminded myself that by continuing down this rabbit hole of negativity, I’m hurting myself a hell of a lot more than I’m hurting them — and it was time to stop.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

On Comparisonitis

July 26, 2021 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

I came across a quote earlier this week by Tim Kreider, who said something to the effect of: “We only get one shot at life, and once you reach a certain age, every one of your peers gives you a “glimpse of the parallel universes” that would have resulted had you made different choices.”

This really resonated with me, especially in regards to social media. So many of us closely follow the lives of our friends and family, often wondering what our lives would have been like if we’d take the same path as them (for good or ill). People refer to this as “comparisonitis” — when we measure our lives to those of others, especially successful people. The downside of this is feelings of inadequacy with our own lives — a feeling that we’ve somehow failed. I know I’ve been guilty of this.

We see our friends jet-setting around the globe, attending fancy parties with gorgeous people at their sides. They chat about their high-powered careers and expensive purchases. While I do find it fun to have a peek at the lives of our loved ones, the key thing to remember, however, is that people on social media show only the best and most “perfect” aspects of their life. They may not be posting about their cheating partner, mean-spirited boss, or the high mortgage on their McMansion that leaves them little money for much else.

We got so caught up in all of the “glamorous” posts that we forget that we’re only seeing the good, not the bad (and everyone has some “bad” going on in their lives). Sure, it may appear as though the grass is greener on the other side, but again, we only see one side of the story.

It’s also important to remember that we’re all different. For example, why compare yourself to a successful computer programmer when you have little aptitude for computers? Or to a high-level accountant if you’re rubbish with numbers? It’s like comparing apples and oranges.

While comparing ourselves to others can help to increase our motivation and inspire us to achieve our goals, it also can instill feelings of inadequacy. It can give us feelings of self-doubt, shame, anxiety, and even self-loathing. Our mind jumps down the rabbit hole of toxic thoughts, sometimes leaving us paralyzed. It can have severe effects on our mental health, leading to anxiety and depression.

I hate to admit that there have been times when I’ve felt that I’d taken the wrong path in life. I thought that if I had stuck with the corporate world, I would be in a much stronger financial situation than I was in. But then I reminded myself of how much I hated the corporate environment and how working for myself has provided me with different types of opportunities.

I’ve found that the first step in combatting “comparisonitis” is in recognizing it. When these feelings of inadequacy have arisen in the past, I decided to take action instead of having regrets. If at any point I felt that I was unhappy with my current path, I took that energy and directed into taking concrete action towards my goals and dreams. I’ve always said that focusing on the past does no good whatsoever — it’s only the “now” that matters. If you don’t like the trajectory of your current life, then change it. I recall someone once said that your life is like a play – if you don’t like the way it’s going, write a new script.

I also find it helpful to scale back on social media, given that because of it, it is easier than ever to compare ourselves. What’s especially heart-wrenching is that our children and teens are falling into this same trap. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I believe this to be true, whether you are an adult or a child.

So if this happens to you, know that you’re not alone. While it’s fantastic to have role models and be inspired by others, we need to be careful not to enter into comparisonitis territory. And if we do, recognizing it is the first step and shutting it down. And most importantly, remember that you are enough.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

Learning to Draw

January 8, 2019 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

When I was in high school, I had an art teacher who, after having taken a look at my drawing, told me:

“Whatever you do, Roger, don’t quit your day job.”

Now anyone else would have had their feelings hurt or their self-esteem shattered by such a statement, especially by a teacher. But not me.

Because I knew I couldn’t draw.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I can draw stick figures and even then, not very well.

So I went through my entire life assuming I absolutely, positively could not draw. “I don’t have an artistic bone in my body,” I’ve told myself more than once.

Then last year, a strange thing happened. One day I watched a YouTube video where the creator had learned to draw in his 50’s, after believing for his entire life that he had no artistic talent. Because he’d always thought he couldn’t draw, he never picked up a pencil and tried. Not once. Until now…and to his surprise, he ended up being quite talented.

So that got the old wheels ‘a turning, and I started wondering whether I could learn to draw…whether such a thing could even be possible. They say you never know until you try.

So I’ve decided to try.

Just for shits and grins, I purchased a drawing video course at the beginning of this year, and I’ve decided to go through it and see what happens. Worst case scenario, I’m no worse off than I am right now.

Best case scenario, I’ll be posting my drawings to this blog.

So this was another thing that I should have added to my “19 Things….in 2019” list. But then that would’ve made 20 so it wouldn’t have worked. So I’ll just keep it here.

Stay tuned for drawing drama in the coming weeks.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

19 Things I Hope To Accomplish in 2019

January 7, 2019 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

I was updating my 2019 bullet journal and was working on my “19 Things I Hope to Accomplish in 2019” page. This is where I create a list of goals for the coming year that match the two-digit year. I started this last year actually with “18 Things I Hope to Accomplish in 2018.”

Looking back, I didn’t do too badly last year – there were only a couple of things I didn’t accomplish, but I’m merely going to move them to this year’s list. So without further ado:

19 Things I Hope to Accomplish in 2019

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1. Finish my Ghost Oracle series.

This is my young adult urban fantasy series featuring a tarot-slinging high school boy named Nick who can see ghosts. I am working on the fifth book right now and will be outlining the sixth one in the coming weeks. Would be nice to wrap the series up this year.

2. Increase my BookTube videos to 3 per week.

I just started my BookTube channel last year and put out an average of 2 videos a week. This year, I want to increase that amount and be more consistent with posting. So I’m aiming for 3 per week, every week. Which brings me to number 3.

3. Create a video review for every book I read.

I did a few video reviews on my BookTube channel last year but this year, I’m going to try and post a mini review video for every book I read.

4. Travel to Québec

Thinking of taking a train trip to Québec this year, a city that I’ve always wanted visit. Still unsure about whether I’ll be driving or taking the train. The train would no doubt be quite an adventure.

5. Publish my Gay Ghost Story collection by Halloween

I started a collection of gay ghost stories awhile back but never got around to publishing them. Once the idea for my Ghost Oracle series popped into my head, I’ve put a lot of my energy into that and the story collection got pushed aside. So I’m going to try and resurrect it and would like to publish it by Halloween.

6. Read 110 books.

Last year I set my Goodreads reading goal to 100 books and I ended up reading 147, the highest number ever. I typically read between 80 and 100 so I dod extra good in 2018. This year, I’m upping that goal to 110 books, that’s a little better than 2 books a week. Should be able to handle that.

7. Return to knitting

I know, this is a strange one. But when I was a kid, the neighbor lady taught me how to knit….not purl or anything list, just the plain old knit stitch. I actually knitted a ton of scarves back then. This year, I want to get back to knitting (figure it’d be a good thing to do whilst watching YouTube videos) but learn how to make other things like hats, mittens, fingerless gloves…hell, even sweaters. So I picked up some needles, got me some yarn so I’m ready to get crackin’!

8. Get back on the bicycle

In my youth, I was a huge bicyclist and put on a couple thousand miles each season. That, however, came to a screeching halt a few years back after I purchased a maxi-scooter. Since then, any free time during my summers has been spent on the scooter. I was thinking a while back about how much I missed bicycling and how much better shape I was in when I would put in 100+ miles every week on the bicycle. So I’m going to pump up those tires this spring and get back on the saddle, as it were.

9. Record video courses

Okay, this is kind of work thing. I write computer courseware and have done so for nearly 20 years now. I decided toward the end of last year to increase my offerings to include video courses. I’ve already started working on my first one and thus far, it’s going swimmingly. I hope to get at least 3 or 4 of them done this year. We’ll see.

10. Take more long weekends.

This year, we decided that rather than taking one long 3-week vacation like we’ve done in the past, that we would instead take more long weekends, like 3, 4 or 5-day trips. It’d be nice to have a lot more traveling to look forward to in the coming year. Several long weekend trips sounds like a lot of fun.

11. Pare down possessions

I want to do a bit more decluttering this year. The goal at some point is to move to a condo in a warmer climate so I want to start by doing some paring down this year. I have a few things that I used to collect that I plan on getting rid of, as well as a lot of my books.

12. Get back into photography

Last year was a super busy year for me, and I ended up putting my photography on the back burner, and it’s something that I really miss doing. This year, I’m going to get back into it so I plan on taking more photo walks and weekend photo safaris.

13. Watch more photography classes

I purchased a few photography technique classes quite a while ago that I never finished and ended up forgetting about them. This year, I put “photography learning” in my weekly calendar so I hope to finish off the videos this year….and hopefully get a lot more real-world practice.

14. Live a Calendar-Based Lifestyle

I wrote about this earlier this year…or was it last year? Anyway, I plan on scheduling anything I want to get done on my Google calendar which hopefully, will give me a more realistic look at what I can actually accomplish during the day. Going to give this a go for at least a year to see if it’ll work for me.

15. Start a new book series

This is dependent on whether I can wrap up my Ghost Oracle series this year. I’ve been rattling around a couple of ideas for a new book series and would like to turn those ideas into action this year.

16. Write at least one standalone

I’ve also outlined a few standalone novel ideas that I wouldn’t mind getting started on. At the very least, I hope to publish at least one Christmas story this year (this is carried over from 2018).

17. Stick to my writing goals

For a while now, I’ve been writing a minimum of 1,100 words a day, rain or shine. I remember last year I started out strong but then other things pushed my writing aside and I fell behind on my projects. This year, want to make sure that I stick with my current streak. I think that calendar-based project planning has really helped with that.

18. Expand my Book Blog

Last year, I started my book blog “Roger’s Reads” where I post a review for every book I read. This year, I hope to expand the blog and add other content such as book tags, book lists, information on literary prizes and other bookish items of interest. I’m really enjoying the book blog and would like to grow it a lot more. Of course, I must be careful not to neglect this blog in the process.

19. Have more fun!

This was on last year’s list and it’s debatable whether I kept this one up or not. I do have a tendency to be a workaholic, so I’ve scheduled time right in my calendar for relaxation. The long weekend trips and photography safaris should help me accomplish this goal as well.

That’s it! These aren’t resolutions, mind you. I don’t do resolutions. They’re not necessarily goals either. Rather, these are simply some things I’d like to accomplish in the coming year, some things to aim for.

How about you? What do you hope to accomplish in the coming year?

Filed Under: Personal, Personal Growth

How Coffee Turned Me Into a Morning Person

February 27, 2014 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

Morning Person or Not?

I am not a morning person. Never have been. But that being said, I do some of my best work in the morning. Morning is when I’m my most alert and fresh, the time when I am the most productive and given that the majority of the business world works between 9:00 am to 5:00 p.m., I needed to be available to clients during these times.

Since the first of this year, I have written between 2000 – 2,500 words every day without fail, beginning at 7:45 a.m. every morning. But it wasn’t always this way.I used to find getting up early in the morning to be an unbearable, agonizing chore.

(Not)Getting Up in the Morning

Throughout the years, I have tried every trick in the book to force myself to get up in the morning. I’ve tried setting my alarm for 15 minutes earlier every day. I’ve tried keeping my alarm across the room so I had to physically get out of bed to turn it off. I’ve tried alarms that are so jarring that you shoot out of bed like a rocket the second it goes off. I’ve tried progressive alarms that bring you out of sleep slowly, gently and lazily. They all worked – but only for a short while. Then it was back to my normal routine. That is to say, turning off the alarm and jumping back into bed until my body (and not some stupid alarm) decided that it was time for me to get up.

Coffee was the Answer

In order to understand my solution, you first need to know that I love coffee and I admit that I am more than a tad bit fussy when it comes to my coffee. I don’t like weak coffee, shitty coffee, cheap coffee, cold coffee, old coffee, bitter coffee, stale coffee or coffee that has been sitting around in a pot for more than fifteen minutes. I’m not particularly fussy about most things, with coffee being the one exception. There’s nothing I look forward to more than my morning cup of java.

So How Does This All Fit In?

Awhile ago, I purchased a coffee pot with a timer. The idea is that the night before, you prepare the grounds, add the necessary water and set the timer for when you want the coffee to begin brewing the next morning. So I did it. I followed the instructions, plugged in the pot, set my alarm (it plays the sound of a waterfall along with gentle chimes, if you must know) and went to bed.

The next morning, I awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting throughout the house. But moreover, I knew that if I didn’t get out of bed right then and there, the coffee would grow bitter from sitting in the pot and become (at least, according to me) undrinkable. Moreover, I didn’t have to sit around and wait for my coffee to finish brewing. It was done by the time my feet hit the floor.

A Combination of Tricks

So for the past several months, I have gotten out of bed immediately when my alarm goes off. Automating my morning coffee routine was the one trick I needed to turn myself into a morning person (as much as one can turn oneself into a morning person).

Now at the time I began this little experiment, I was sleeping until about 10:30 or 11:00 a.m. It’s important to note that I just didn’t set my alarm one day for 7:30 a.m. and simply bound out of bed with a squeal of delight.

No, what I did was to combine my coffee trick with setting my alarm fifteen minutes earlier each week. For example, week 1 the alarm (and my coffee timer) was set for 10:15; week 2: 10:00; week 3: 9:45 and so on. And if you fee the need to spend an extra week or two without changing your alarm time, by all means do so. I think I spent three weeks at 9:00 before I moved on to 8:45.

But I Don’t Like Coffee

I admit, this trick is aimed at coffee connoisseurs who simply can’t bear the thought of allowing a pot of expensive coffee go to waste. If you don’t drink coffee, try the experiment with your favorite tea. Or perhaps, schedule something you really enjoy doing early first thing in the morning. But whatever it is, it needs to be something that will get you out of bed – something pleasurable.

Give it a try and see what happens. Like I said, I’ve tried numerous methods until I finally found one that works. If you are trying to become a morning person – or a forced to become one – then keep trying various tricks until you find the one that works. Often, the simplest thing – such as a cup of coffee – is the one that works the best.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

The Freedom Account: An Indispensable Financial Tool

January 25, 2011 by Roger Hyttinen Leave a Comment

Debt Proof Living Cover Image

This is an old post from my original blog. The reason I am reposting it that my Freedom Account is one of the most essential things in my life. I can’t tell you how many times having this has saved my ass.

You’re moving along just fine. Your mortgage gets paid, your car payment is sent out on time, you’re slowly getting those credit card bills down and you find that you even have a few extra bucks to spend on yourself at the end of the month. You’re feeling pretty good these days – you believe that you’re finally making some headway. Pat yourself on the back – you deserve it.

Then whamo! The car breaks down and you find yourself facing an $1200 repair bill. Oh – and Auto Insurance is due too.

Whoops! Out with the credit card. So much for making headway.

Now imagine that your car breaks down and you are able to simply sit down and write out an $1200 check for the repairs – along with another $650 for Automobile Insurance.

“Yeah, right,” you say. “I don’t have that kind of money just lying around. I have enough for my monthly expenses, and that’s it!”

You can just sit down and write out those checks. And believe it or not, it’s not as difficult as you may think. In Mary Hunt’s book, The Cheapskate Monthly Money Makeover and more recently, Debt-Proof Living, she introduces the concept of the Freedom Account, the most indispensable money management tool I have come across. It has made a world of difference in my own personal life.

What the Freedom Account does is gives you control over irregular or unforeseen expenses. You know the auto insurance is due every six months. So do you stick money away for it? Most likely not. It will get paid somehow. How? What about if the car breaks down. After all, do you think it’s going to go on forever without any repairs? And what about vacation? And what about clothes? And what if the washer breaks down? And what about those insurance deductibles? You get the idea.

Hunt points out that the key to financial success is exerting control over your money and one of the ways you can do this is by regularly setting aside money in advance to cover your irregular or unexpected expenses. Now keep in mind that this is not a budget but rather a money management tool.

The author outlines 5 steps in setting up your Freedom Account:

Step 1: Determine your Irregular Expenses

Make a list of all expenses that do not occur on a monthly basis. These would include such things at auto maintenance (yes, you do have to perform maintenance on your vehicle), auto insurance, property taxes, household repairs, clothing, vacation, etc. Then establish a yearly dollar amount for each category and divide by the number of times you get paid during the year.

Let’s say that you get paid monthly. So the yearly dollar amount in each of your Freedom categories would be divided by 12. Here are a couple of examples from my Freedom Account:

Auto Insurance $460 a year/divided by 12 = $38.33 a month

Auto Maintenance $900 a year/divided by 12 – $75 a month

Health Club Membership – $360 a year/divided by 12 = $30 a month

Insurance Deductible – $500 a year/divided by 12 = $41.67 a month

And so on….

Add up the monthly (or weekly/biweekly if that’s how you get paid) total. This amount it the contribution you will make each payday to your Freedom Account.

Don’t worry about the dollar amounts above. Remember – these are sample figures. You will establish your own amounts based upon your personal situation.

Step 2: Open two checking accounts

The author recommends that you open two checking accounts, one for your regular expenses and one for your Freedom Account. This way, you will be depositing enough money each payday into your Freedom Account to cover the expenses that you established above, while the rest of your paycheck goes for your regular monthly expenditures. You will then write checks for your irregular expenses as they come up from your Freedom Account.

As I am a true believer in keeping things simple, I see maintaining two checking accounts as an unnecessary burden. I personally keep all of my Freedom Account funds in one savings account. My credit union provides online access so when a Freedom expense comes up, I transfer the money from my savings account to my checking account and write a check to cover the expense. Plus I earn a little interest on the money – 3% is better than nothing. Rather than a passbook savings account, you may want to consider a Money Market account that allows you to easily transfer money to and from your checking account. Typically, Money Market rates a considerably higher than passbook savings accounts.

Step 3: Request an automatic deposit authorization

If you feel that there’s even a possibility that you won’t be disciplined enough to transfer your payday total of Freedom expenses to your Freedom Account every month, then setting automatic deposit with your bank is a necessity. You can request an “Automatic Transfer Form” from your bank to automatically transfer the funds from your main checking account to your Freedom Account. Just establish the date and the rest is done for you. Many people find this method the easiest way to save – if you don’t see it, you don’t miss it. However, the author recommends that you give yourself a five day cushion. For example, if your payday falls on the 1st and the 15th of each month, then you’ll want to set your transfer dates for the 5th and the 20th, in case your payday falls on a holiday or weekend.

Step 4: Get a loose-leaf notebook and label it “Freedom Account”

This is the point where you keep track of all your individual Freedom categories. The author recommends that you keep a notebook, designating a page for each Freedom category. Thus, you would have a separate page for Auto Insurance, a separate page for Auto Maintenance, a separate page Vacation, and so on. On the top of each page, you would enter the name of the category and the amount to be deposited each paycheck. Then you would prepare 5 columns: Date, Description, Amount In, Amount Out, and Balance.

I personally track my Freedom data in an Excel spreadsheet. I find that it’s much easier to maintain my balances electronically and the likelihood of making any mathematical errors is greatly reduced. I keep each category in a separate Excel worksheet and maintain a “Freedom Index” sheet which lets me quickly see my category totals. This way, I don’t need to look at every single worksheet to figure out how much money I have in each category. In my next post, I will provide detailed instructions on how to set up a Freedom Account in Excel for those of you who prefer (or would like to learn how) to keep your records electronically.

Step 5: Get in the habit

In order for the Freedom Account to work for you, you must be diligent in your record keeping. So each and every payday, immediately deduct your monthly (or weekly/biweekly) Freedom amount from your regular checking. This is especially true if you are using Automatic Transfer. If you forget, you’ll be in real trouble when your checks start bouncing all over the county. Then, go into your loose-leaf binder or spreadsheet, add the individual deposits into each category and calculate your balance. In my example above, I would enter $30 on my Auto Insurance sheet, $75 on my Auto Maintenance sheet, $13.75 on my Health Club Membership sheet, $41.67 on my Insurance Deductible sheet, and so on.

A few additional points to ponder….

Don’t even think of borrowing from your Freedom account – it is a money management tool not a lending institution. In order for this to work for you, withdrawals must be limited only for what they were intended. I also personally place any unexpected income, such as tax refunds, gifts of money and any writing or consulting income directly into my Freedom Account. Earned overtime income is also a good candidate for your Freedom Account. It’s amazing how fast it adds up that way.

Want to stay out of debt? Then don’t buy anything until you have to cash to pay for it. How do you get the cash? Start a new Freedom category! As I bake and cook in bulk and am somewhat limited in storage space, I decided to purchase a freezer. So I started a “Freezer” category in my Freedom Account and am presently sticking away $30 a month. In another two months, I’ll have enough to make my purchase. In the past, I would have ran out, purchased the freezer and simply put the balance on my credit card. One of the beneficial side effects of setting up Freedom categories for any major purchase (something that you would normally charge) is soon you actually begin to notice your credit card bills declining and before you know it, credit card debt will be a thing of the past. I haven’t had a carryover credit card balance in nearly 2 years, thanks to the Freedom Account.

I recall brining in my truck in for repairs – the air conditioning was broken and I needed a new exhaust system. The total came to nearly $1,200 (that’s not too bad considering this is the first time I put any money into it since I bought it 8 years ago). But I didn’t panic. I simply transferred the money from my Freedom Account to my checking account and wrote a check for the entire amount. And this was just after I came back from a week’s vacation – which I also paid for in full from my Freedom Account.

Start small if that’s what it takes – just start! Soon your debt load will be going down and your freedom from worry will be going up. The Freedom Account is truly a life altering tool – I know because it changed mine.

 

Filed Under: Personal Growth Tagged With: Finances, Freedom Account

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