So, it’s that time of year again, you know, when everyone starts talking about their resolutions for the year.. And I’m over here like, “Nah, I’m all about setting goals, not resolutions.” Yep, I’m a proud member of Team Goal over Team Resolution. Why? Let me tell you, resolutions taste like cardboard compared to the juicy, ambitious pie of goals.

First off, resolutions feel like a punishment for all the holiday cookie-induced hibernation. “Must…eat…salad…again…” Ugh, just the thought makes me crave eggnog. Goals, on the other hand, are like opening a treasure chest overflowing with possibilities! “I wanna learn to salsa dance like J.Lo!” “I’m gonna write a novel so good, pigeons will spontaneously start wearing tiny spectacles to read it!” Now that’s the kind of motivation I can get behind, no guilt or deprivation required.

Second, resolutions are vague as a fortune cookie message. “Be healthier.” Great, thanks for the existential to-do list. Goals, on the other hand, are like microscopic maps to your dreams. “Go for a 20-minute walk three times a week, starting with my embarrassing polka-dotted jogging suit.” “Write 500 words every Tuesday, fueled by questionable instant coffee and questionable life choices.” Specific, actionable, and slightly ridiculous – that’s my jam.

Third, resolutions crumble under the slightest pressure. One missed gym session and you’re back to Netflix marathons with a side of self-loathing. Goals, my friends, are bouncing rubber balls. They get squashed, they bounce back, they keep rolling towards your awesome future. Missed a writing deadline? No biggie, grab another mug of questionable coffee and get back on track. It’s all about progress, not perfection (and let’s be honest, perfection is boring anyway).

But let’s not forget the emotional rollercoaster – I mean, the emotional experience – of this whole process. Setting a goal and then reaching it? That’s like the emotional equivalent of finding extra fries at the bottom of your takeout bag. Pure joy, people!

Here’s how I see it: goals give you flexibility. Life throws curveballs (like that time I tried to make bread and ended up with a doorstopper), and goals let you dodge, weave, and adjust. Resolutions? Not so much. They’re like, “Oh, you missed a day at the gym? Game over, buddy.”

So, this year, ditch the dry resolutions and embrace the juicy, messy, glorious world of goals. Set them big, set them small, set them so ridiculous they make your cats raise an eyebrow. Just make sure they set your soul on fire, not just your anxiety levels.

Remember, friends, life is like a cosmic buffet: grab the most delicious, inspiring goals you can find and feast on them! And if you stumble along the way? No worries, just pick yourself up, dust off your polka-dotted dreams, and keep on dancing (even if it’s just the salsa of self-forgiveness).

P.S. Did you know that ancient Babylonians made resolutions too? (But theirs were mostly about paying debts, not mastering the Macarena.) Just a fun fact to impress your friends.

Image by Markus Winkler