Personal Growth

How I Stay Motivated When I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything

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photorealistic image of a handsome young man who is trying to be productive

(A completely unglamorous, highly relatable guide to getting my butt in gear)

Okay, so let’s be honest here. There are days when I feel like a soggy piece of toast. Not even toasted. Just… bread. Floppy, uninspired, and aggressively unmotivated. I stare at my to-do list like it personally insulted my family. And the idea of doing anything—writing, cleaning, working out, even putting on real pants—feels absolutely impossible.

But somehow, stuff still gets done. Not always well, mind you, but it gets done.

So here’s how I fake motivation until it sort of becomes real. Sometimes. Kind of. Let’s not aim too high.

1. The “Tiny Step” Trick

This one’s basically Jedi mind-trickery. I tell myself I’ll just start—nothing big. Just open the laptop. Or write one sentence. Or move that one dish from the sink to the dishwasher. That’s it.

What usually happens next is my brain’s like, “Well, I already started… might as well keep going.” And suddenly I’ve written 500 words or cleaned the whole kitchen while angrily singing 80s power ballads. (Highly recommend.)

On days when I’m really dragging, I’ll even say, “I only have to do this for 5 minutes.” If it still sucks after 5 minutes, I can stop. But 9 times out of 10, I don’t. Momentum is a sneaky beast.

2. Bribery. Full-On, Shameless Bribery.

If I write two chapters, I get fancy coffee. If I answer all my emails, I can binge that paranormal mystery show with the hot demon and the sarcastic witch. (You know the one.)

I’m not above making deals with myself. “Finish your morning tasks and you can take a nap like a cat in a sunbeam.” That kind of motivation is weirdly effective. Apparently, I’m just a toddler who wants a cookie.

3. Change of Scenery

Sometimes, sitting in the same chair staring at the same wall makes me feel like I’ve been cursed by a productivity goblin. So I’ll move. Even if it’s just shifting from my desk to the couch, or taking my journal to a coffee shop where someone’s always vaping and playing sad indie music.

One time I sat on my porch with a cup of tea and ended up plotting an entire short story. Something about being in a different spot makes my brain stop sulking.

4. The Pomodoro Hack (but make it chaotic)

I don’t always stick to the rules, but I’ll do 25-minute “sprints” with a timer and see how much I can get done. Sometimes I race myself. Sometimes I scream “GO!” like I’m on a cooking competition show. It’s dumb. I love it.

And then after that, I do something dumb or mindless for 5–10 minutes. I watch raccoon rescue videos. I water my plants. I text a friend nonsense emojis. Then I go again.

Somehow that little chunking trick makes the day feel less like a mountain and more like a series of oddly shaped stepping stones.

5. Music That Sounds Like I’m in a Movie

If I need to feel powerful, I blast epic orchestral scores. If I need to feel mysterious, I go full synthwave or dark jazz. If I need to feel like I can write a romantic scene without cringing, I play instrumental versions of 90s love songs. Don’t ask. It works.

Basically, I create a soundtrack for my mood—or the mood I want to have. It’s like a costume change for the soul.

6. The “Okay But Why?” Question

This one’s more serious, but when I’m really struggling, I ask myself: Why do I want to do this? Not in the existential “what is life” kind of way. More like, what’s the payoff here?

Sometimes I remember that I want to finish this book because I believe in it, even if I’m having doubts today. Or that I want to move my body because it helps me sleep and not scream at pigeons. That little reminder can yank me out of the funk spiral. (Sometimes. Not always. Let’s not give it too much credit.)

7. Permission to Suck

This one? Game changer.

I remind myself that I can do something badly and still be proud of doing it. I don’t have to write the best scene ever. I don’t have to be a laundry-folding goddess. I just have to do the thing. Imperfectly. Awkwardly. Occasionally while crying and eating peanut butter out of the jar.

Because done is better than nothing. And sometimes, the doing is what brings the motivation—not the other way around.

8. Just Straight Up Lying to Myself

No shame here. I’ve said things like, “I’ll only open this document to look at it” or “I’ll just walk for five minutes” or “I’m not working, I’m playing with ideas.”

Do I believe myself? Not really. But it tricks me into taking action. And once I’m in motion, it’s easier to keep going. (I think Newton said that. Or maybe it was Oprah.)

The Unsexy Truth

Some days still suck. Some days I don’t get motivated at all and everything feels like it’s made of wet cement. And that’s okay. I try again tomorrow. Or the day after.

Staying motivated isn’t about being perfect or productive all the time. It’s about finding little hacks that work for you, especially when your brain feels like a deflated beach ball.

Anyway, I hope this helped in a “yes, it’s not just me” kind of way. You’re not lazy. You’re human. And humans are weird.

Go do your thing. Or just put on pants. That counts too.

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When Life Doesn’t Give You Doors, Grab a Hammer

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handsome young man installing a door in a new house construction site

So I’ve been thinking about this Milton Berle quote lately: “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” And honestly? It hits different when you’ve actually lived it, you know? Like, really lived it with all the messy, terrifying, exhilarating parts that come with telling the traditional career path to take a hike.

I realized pretty early in my working life that I absolutely despised having bosses. I mean, loathed it with the fire of a thousand suns. There’s something soul-crushing about sitting in a beige cubicle, watching the clock tick toward 5 PM while someone else decides your worth and your schedule. The fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, the mandatory team-building exercises, the passive-aggressive emails about proper microwave etiquette in the break room. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

The thing is, I knew I couldn’t spend my entire adult life feeling like I was slowly dying inside every Monday morning. So I did what any reasonable person with a healthy dose of stubborn determination would do – I built not one, but two doors. First came my wedding officiating business, which was honestly a blast while it lasted. There’s something magical about being part of people’s happiest moments, even if you do retire from it eventually. Then came my computer courseware company, which became my main gig for many years and my ticket to freedom.

Was it scary? Absolutely terrifying. Did I have moments where I questioned my sanity? Daily, for the first few months. But you know what felt scarier? The thought of spending decades trapped in someone else’s vision of what my life should look like.

But let’s be real here – entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, and I totally get that. Some people break out in a legitimate cold sweat at the thought of not having that reliable Friday paycheck landing in their account like clockwork. Benefits packages, paid time off, the security of knowing exactly how much money will be there next month – these aren’t small things. They’re huge, life-changing things that affect everything from your ability to get a mortgage to your peace of mind when you’re trying to fall asleep at night.

I have friends who thrive in corporate environments. They love the structure, the clear hierarchies, the defined roles and responsibilities. They find comfort in knowing exactly what’s expected of them and when their next performance review will happen. And honestly? Good for them. Seriously. The world needs people who can work within existing systems and make them better.

But for those of us who feel like we’re slowly suffocating in traditional work environments, Milton Berle’s words ring true. Sometimes you have to create your own opportunities because the ones that exist just don’t fit who you are or what you need.

The door-building process isn’t pretty, by the way. It involves a lot of late nights, financial uncertainty, and moments where you wonder if you’ve made a terrible mistake. I remember sitting at my kitchen table at 2 AM, working on course materials while wondering if I’d ever make enough money to justify the stress I was putting myself (and my spouse) through. But then I’d think about my old cubicle, and suddenly the kitchen table felt like paradise.

What I discovered is that being your own boss doesn’t mean you don’t have a boss – it just means your boss is every single customer or client you serve. In some ways, that’s more pressure. In other ways, it’s incredibly liberating because you’re building something that reflects your values and your vision.

The best part? When things go well, you get to take credit for your own success. When they go poorly, you get to learn from your mistakes without someone else’s interpretation clouding the lessons. Every decision, every pivot, every small victory belongs to you.

So whether you’re dreaming of starting your own business, changing careers, going back to school, or just making any kind of change that feels impossible – remember that sometimes the door you need doesn’t exist yet. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means you get to design exactly the kind of door you want to walk through.

P.S. If you’re thinking about building your own door, start small. Test your ideas. Talk to people. And remember that every successful entrepreneur started with that same terrifying first step into the unknown.

Anaconda book cover image

Anaconda! is a ghost story where a teenage boy encounters the ghost of an angry solder who doesn’t realize he’s dead: Anaconda! https://books2read.com/u/mV6y2A

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Resolutions are Toast, Goals are the Jam: Why I Ditch the Dry Lists for Delicious Dreams

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So, it’s that time of year again, you know, when everyone starts talking about their resolutions for the year.. And I’m over here like, “Nah, I’m all about setting goals, not resolutions.” Yep, I’m a proud member of Team Goal over Team Resolution. Why? Let me tell you, resolutions taste like cardboard compared to the juicy, ambitious pie of goals.

First off, resolutions feel like a punishment for all the holiday cookie-induced hibernation. “Must…eat…salad…again…” Ugh, just the thought makes me crave eggnog. Goals, on the other hand, are like opening a treasure chest overflowing with possibilities! “I wanna learn to salsa dance like J.Lo!” “I’m gonna write a novel so good, pigeons will spontaneously start wearing tiny spectacles to read it!” Now that’s the kind of motivation I can get behind, no guilt or deprivation required.

Second, resolutions are vague as a fortune cookie message. “Be healthier.” Great, thanks for the existential to-do list. Goals, on the other hand, are like microscopic maps to your dreams. “Go for a 20-minute walk three times a week, starting with my embarrassing polka-dotted jogging suit.” “Write 500 words every Tuesday, fueled by questionable instant coffee and questionable life choices.” Specific, actionable, and slightly ridiculous – that’s my jam.

Third, resolutions crumble under the slightest pressure. One missed gym session and you’re back to Netflix marathons with a side of self-loathing. Goals, my friends, are bouncing rubber balls. They get squashed, they bounce back, they keep rolling towards your awesome future. Missed a writing deadline? No biggie, grab another mug of questionable coffee and get back on track. It’s all about progress, not perfection (and let’s be honest, perfection is boring anyway).

But let’s not forget the emotional rollercoaster – I mean, the emotional experience – of this whole process. Setting a goal and then reaching it? That’s like the emotional equivalent of finding extra fries at the bottom of your takeout bag. Pure joy, people!

Here’s how I see it: goals give you flexibility. Life throws curveballs (like that time I tried to make bread and ended up with a doorstopper), and goals let you dodge, weave, and adjust. Resolutions? Not so much. They’re like, “Oh, you missed a day at the gym? Game over, buddy.”

So, this year, ditch the dry resolutions and embrace the juicy, messy, glorious world of goals. Set them big, set them small, set them so ridiculous they make your cats raise an eyebrow. Just make sure they set your soul on fire, not just your anxiety levels.

Remember, friends, life is like a cosmic buffet: grab the most delicious, inspiring goals you can find and feast on them! And if you stumble along the way? No worries, just pick yourself up, dust off your polka-dotted dreams, and keep on dancing (even if it’s just the salsa of self-forgiveness).

P.S. Did you know that ancient Babylonians made resolutions too? (But theirs were mostly about paying debts, not mastering the Macarena.) Just a fun fact to impress your friends.

Image by Markus Winkler

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Don’t Get Left in the Digital Dust: Why Keeping Up with Tech Matters!

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guy with a vr headset
Photo by @soberanes

Today, let’s have a cozy chat about why it’s super important to keep up with technology. Given how quickly technology changes these days, I thought this would be a relevant topic for discussion. I know many people find it challenging to try to keep up with tech and sometimes think it would be easier to give up.  But I’m here to tell you the opposite — that keeping up with tech is super important.

You know that feeling when you’re trying to figure out how to use your new-fangled smartTV, and it might as well be a spaceship control panel? Yeah, been there, done that, and let me tell you, it’s not fun. Trust me, you don’t want to be that person who’s stuck in a state of perpetual confusion because you don’t understand everyday technology. Let’s face it; we live in a digital age, and tech is everywhere. From smartphones to smart homes, from streaming to social media, it’s all around us.

Now, I’m not saying you need to be a tech guru or an expert coder (unless you want to be, of course). But a basic understanding of technology is becoming as essential as knowing how to tie your shoelaces (or maybe even more so). Here are a few reasons why:

  1. Communication: Most of our communication these days happens online. Whether it’s texting, emailing, or video chatting with loved ones, technology is the glue that keeps us connected. Don’t want to be the friend who can’t join the Zoom call because you can’t figure out how to unmute yourself, right?
  2. Work: In the job market, tech skills are in high demand. Whether you’re a doctor, a chef, or an astronaut (okay, maybe not an astronaut), chances are you’ll need to use technology in your work. Plus, understanding tech can make you more efficient and competitive in your career.
  3. Everyday Life: From online shopping to banking to ordering food, technology makes our daily lives easier. Keeping up with it can save you time, money, and a whole lot of hassle.
  4. Not Getting Left Behind: In this digital era, not keeping pace with technology can mean getting left behind. As technology evolves, so does the way society functions. Whether it’s the job market, education, or daily interactions, everything is becoming more tech-centric. Staying updated prevents us from becoming obsolete in our skills and understanding of the world. For me, it is important not to be bumbling around the world in a state of confusion because I didn’t bother to try and understand everyday technology.
  5. Staying Safe & Secure: With the rise in digital technology, there’s also an increase in cyber threats. Understanding the latest in tech means you’re better equipped to protect yourself against cyberattacks and data breaches. Knowledge about things like secure passwords, two-factor authentication, and data encryption is super important.
  6. Making Informed Decisions: When you’re up-to-date with technology, you can make more informed decisions about the tech products and services you use. This knowledge can save you money (no more buying tech you don’t need!) and improve your overall experience with technology.
  7. Never Stop Learning: Finally, keeping up with technology is a continuous learning process. It keeps your mind active and engaged, and there’s always something new to discover. Whether it’s a new app, a software update, or a groundbreaking gadget, the tech world is constantly evolving, offering endless opportunities to learn and grow.

So what’s the secret?

For someone who isn’t tech-savvy, keeping up with technology can seem daunting. Heck, it’s even exhausting for those of us who enjoy tech. However, there are several accessible ways to gradually increase your understanding and comfort with new tech:

  • Start with Basic Online Tutorials: Look for beginner-friendly tutorials on platforms like YouTube or Khan Academy. They often have step-by-step guides on various tech topics, explained in simple terms.
  • Use Simplified Tech News Sources: Websites like Digital Trends or Tech for Luddites offer technology news and information in an easy-to-understand format, avoiding overly technical jargon.
  • Enroll in Introductory Tech Courses: Websites like Coursera, Udemy, or your local community college offer beginner courses in computer literacy, internet basics, and introductory courses in various software.
  • Leverage Interactive Learning Tools: Tools like Duolingo for languages or Codecademy for coding offer interactive, user-friendly ways to learn at your own pace, often starting from a very basic level.
  • Join Beginner-Friendly Tech Communities: Online forums or local clubs for beginners can provide a supportive environment for learning and asking questions. Platforms like Meetup can help you find local groups.
  • Explore Technology in Public Libraries: Many public libraries offer free access to computers and basic computer classes, as well as resources like books and online materials for learning about technology.
  • Ask for Help from Family and Friends: If you have family members or friends who are more tech-savvy, ask them for guidance or to explain things in a way that makes sense to you.
  • Use Technology in Daily Life: Incorporate technology into your daily activities, like using a smartphone for tasks like shopping or navigation, which can help you get comfortable with tech in a practical, hands-on way.
  • Set Small, Achievable Goals: Start with small goals, like learning to send an email, using a new app, or understanding how to protect your online privacy.
  • Stay Patient and Persistent: Remember that technology is a vast field and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. Take it one step at a time and celebrate small victories in your learning journey.
  • Read Tech Blogs: Well, I’m a big fan of tech blogs! I subscribe to several of them and make it a point to read them daily. These blogs are like my tech-savvy friends who keep me in the know about the latest gadgets, software updates, and tech trends. They break down complex tech jargon into everyday language, so even tech newbies can grasp the concepts.

By starting with the basics and gradually building up your skills, you can become more comfortable and confident in navigating the ever-changing world of technology.

So, the bottom line is this: Don’t let technology pass you by. Embrace it, learn from it, and use it to your advantage. Subscribe to a few tech blogs, follow tech influencers on social media, or join online tech forums to stay informed. It’s not about being a tech wizard; it’s about staying engaged with the world around you.

As technology continues to evolve at lightning speed, you don’t want to amble about in a state of confusion. Instead, be the person who confidently navigates the digital landscape, adapts to new tech effortlessly, and can impress their friends with their tech-savvy prowess. Who knows, you might even find that you enjoy it! So, stay curious, stay connected, and stay tech-savvy, my friends. 🚀📱💻

Roger

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Why Worrying About Messing Up is the Biggest Mess-Up

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Photo by Francisco De Legarreta C

Hey folks!

So, I stumbled upon a quote by Elbert Hubbard that kinda slapped me across the face with its truth-bomb so I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on it with you. The quote goes like this:

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake.”

And man, oh man, does that hit close to home or what?

We’ve all been there, right? Tiptoeing around, trying not to trip up and face-plant into a big ol’ pile of mistakes. But here’s the kicker – getting all caught up in the what-ifs and the oh-noes is basically like walking around with a “I’m gonna goof up” sign hanging over our heads.

Let’s break it down. When you’re so busy worrying about screwing up, you’re not really living. You’re just… existing. Kinda like when you’re too scared to text someone because you might say the wrong thing. Or when you don’t try that new taco place because you might not like it and feel like you wasted your meal. Sounds familiar, huh?

I’ve been thinking about what good ol’ Hubbard meant, and here’s the deal: Life’s about taking those weird, wild, and wacky turns. It’s about trying that hot sauce that could either be the best thing ever or a one-way ticket to Heartburn City. It’s about sending that text, because hey, the person on the other end might just be as weird as you.

The reality is, mistakes are gonna happen. They’re like those annoying subscription emails – no matter what, they find a way into your inbox. But here’s the twist – they’re not just junk. Mistakes are the spam that teaches you how to use the “unsubscribe” link. They’re the real MVPs in the game of life, coaching you to be better, smarter, and maybe even a little bit braver.

So here’s what I’m proposing: Let’s not let the fear of messing up keep us from playing the game. Let’s not be the person who never knows the glorious taste of victory (or the best dang tacos in town) because we never stepped up to the plate. Let’s be the person who wears their mistakes like badges of honor – because that means we were in the game, swinging, running, and living.

Remember, the only real flub is letting the fear of flubs keep you from doing your thing.

Now go out there, text that person, try that taco, and live like Hubbard’s watching and nodding his head, saying, “Yep, you got it.”

Okay…Roger and out!

Photo by Francisco De Legarreta C

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On Resentment

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Today I came across a quote by Nelson Mandela that reads, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”  I’ve come across this particular one before, and each time, it resonated with me strongly.

I know quite a few people that are extremely angry and resentful toward others who have wronged them in some way. This could be an ex-lover/spouse or someone who got promoted when they didn’t. I know someone who broke up with their ex years ago, and they still talk about them with vitriol, like the event happened only yesterday.

I’ve seen this kind of internalized resentment tear people apart the longer they hold onto it. It pollutes our thoughts and blocks us from living contented lives. It’s as if by remaining angry that they can somehow hurt the person at whom that anger is directed. But what happens instead is that our bitterness only affects ourselves. Hell — the other person doesn’t even know we’re angry (and probably wouldn’t care if they did). It does not affect them in the least, no matter how much we consciously or subconsciously wish pain upon them.

This is why it’s often said that we don’t forgive people for their sake but for ours. Forgiving someone doesn’t say that what they did was okay. Rather, forgiveness is for our own benefit. It’s to grant us the ability to move on and put all of those resentments behind us so we can begin to heal. After all, the damage has been done. It’s over and finished. Holding onto it will never change what happened. The only thing left to do is to let it go.

People may tell us that we need to “forgive and forget,” and as we all know, that’s much easier said than done. It may take a while and may even require counseling — or at the very least, a non-judgmental friend with whom you can unburden yourself.

What worked for me in the past was to recognize those negative thoughts the moment they popped up and replace them with positive ones. Expressing gratitude for all of the existing gifts in my life also helped me.

But most importantly, I also reminded myself that by continuing down this rabbit hole of negativity, I’m hurting myself a hell of a lot more than I’m hurting them — and it was time to stop.

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On Comparisonitis

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I came across a quote earlier this week by Tim Kreider, who said something to the effect of: “We only get one shot at life, and once you reach a certain age, every one of your peers gives you a “glimpse of the parallel universes” that would have resulted had you made different choices.”

This really resonated with me, especially in regards to social media. So many of us closely follow the lives of our friends and family, often wondering what our lives would have been like if we’d take the same path as them (for good or ill). People refer to this as “comparisonitis” — when we measure our lives to those of others, especially successful people. The downside of this is feelings of inadequacy with our own lives — a feeling that we’ve somehow failed. I know I’ve been guilty of this.

We see our friends jet-setting around the globe, attending fancy parties with gorgeous people at their sides. They chat about their high-powered careers and expensive purchases. While I do find it fun to have a peek at the lives of our loved ones, the key thing to remember, however, is that people on social media show only the best and most “perfect” aspects of their life. They may not be posting about their cheating partner, mean-spirited boss, or the high mortgage on their McMansion that leaves them little money for much else.

We got so caught up in all of the “glamorous” posts that we forget that we’re only seeing the good, not the bad (and everyone has some “bad” going on in their lives). Sure, it may appear as though the grass is greener on the other side, but again, we only see one side of the story.

It’s also important to remember that we’re all different. For example, why compare yourself to a successful computer programmer when you have little aptitude for computers? Or to a high-level accountant if you’re rubbish with numbers? It’s like comparing apples and oranges.

While comparing ourselves to others can help to increase our motivation and inspire us to achieve our goals, it also can instill feelings of inadequacy. It can give us feelings of self-doubt, shame, anxiety, and even self-loathing. Our mind jumps down the rabbit hole of toxic thoughts, sometimes leaving us paralyzed. It can have severe effects on our mental health, leading to anxiety and depression.

I hate to admit that there have been times when I’ve felt that I’d taken the wrong path in life. I thought that if I had stuck with the corporate world, I would be in a much stronger financial situation than I was in. But then I reminded myself of how much I hated the corporate environment and how working for myself has provided me with different types of opportunities.

I’ve found that the first step in combatting “comparisonitis” is in recognizing it. When these feelings of inadequacy have arisen in the past, I decided to take action instead of having regrets. If at any point I felt that I was unhappy with my current path, I took that energy and directed into taking concrete action towards my goals and dreams. I’ve always said that focusing on the past does no good whatsoever — it’s only the “now” that matters. If you don’t like the trajectory of your current life, then change it. I recall someone once said that your life is like a play – if you don’t like the way it’s going, write a new script.

I also find it helpful to scale back on social media, given that because of it, it is easier than ever to compare ourselves. What’s especially heart-wrenching is that our children and teens are falling into this same trap. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and I believe this to be true, whether you are an adult or a child.

So if this happens to you, know that you’re not alone. While it’s fantastic to have role models and be inspired by others, we need to be careful not to enter into comparisonitis territory. And if we do, recognizing it is the first step and shutting it down. And most importantly, remember that you are enough.

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