You know when someone boldly announces, “You can’t do that,” and it hits you like an inflatable pool float—that suddenly loses air and just droops? Yeah, that. I think we’ve all been there, right? Like, maybe you’re telling your friend about your brilliant plan to start a llama farm in Bali or run a marathon after not running, like, ever, and BAM—someone swoops in with all the negativity. You’re left wondering if they have some secret insight from the universe or if they’re just, I don’t know, projecting big-time? Enter Sheldon Cahoon’s little gem: “When someone tells you that you can’t do something, perhaps you should consider that they are only telling you what they can’t do.” Ehhh, nailed it, right?
Honestly, sometimes when people tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t do something, that says waaaay more about them than it does about you. I know, I know, that sounds a bit armchair-psychologist-y, but stick with me here. It’s like they can’t help but reflect their own personal roadblocks and doubts onto you. And truth bomb: humans have a bad habit of assuming that what they couldn’t achieve—or didn’t even try to—must be impossible for you as well. Newsflash: you’re not living the same story as everyone else, so take their fears and just, I don’t know, free them like toast crumbs in the wind.
I’ll admit, it took me a while to figure this one out myself (ugh, late bloomer). I used to get super bummed out when someone told me I couldn’t do something. Cue the mental montage of me frowning at my computer racking my brain WHY?! But then one day, it hit me like a rogue soccer ball: these people weren’t psychic; they were just bad at imagining possibilities outside of their own experience. And, I guess, that’s kind of comforting in a weird way, right? Like, it’s not that they’re standing in some parallel reality where they know you’re doomed. They just… can’t see beyond their own limitations. Kinda makes me feel bad for them, in an empathetic “you should really believe in yourself more” kind of way, you know?
Quick detour—who is Sheldon Cahoon anyway? Seriously, I Googled him because, heck, I don’t chit-chat about quotes from random authors without knowing who they are. Turns out, he’s a leadership and training expert. Not a LOT of details out there (couldn’t find his llama farm aspirations—not judging). But his take on other people’s limitations affecting your possibilities? It’s pure gold and exactly the kind of thing that makes you want to scribble it on a sticky note for your bathroom mirror, or tattoo it on your left arm…whatever works for you.
Anyway, back to how this shows up IRL. You’ll notice this all the time, especially when you’re trying something new or super ambition-y. Everyone’s giving you looks, unsolicited advice (“Maybe you should just stick to what you’re good at!”) or, my personal favorite, the passive-aggressive “I’m just being realistic. I’m looking out for you.” Thanks, buddy, but a little side of belief in me would’ve been more helpful with that serving of realism. I mean, remember how everybody thought the Wright brothers were totally nuts for thinking they could fly? I bet there was some guy named Carl back in the day who was like, “Nah fam, humans aren’t meant to fly.” But here we are, booking flights like it’s no big deal for our next long weekend.
Not to dump on people sharing their “well-meaning” doubts, though. Anxiety is contagious, and sometimes people genuinely think they’re saving you from crashing and burning. They’re trying to be protective, but those vibes? Kinda draining.
Listen, at the end of the day, nobody really knows what you are capable of but you. Sure, people can give advice, but it’s advice based on the way they see the world—through the glasses of their past experiences and struggles where the lenses are smudged with smears of “can’ts” and “won’ts.” You’ve got your own shiny prescription, and if you don’t rock those specs proudly, well, Kyle from accounting is gonna keep reminding you of the ways he failed.
Alright, guess I’ve rambled on enough for a single post. The takeaway? When someone throws a bucket of “I can’t” onto your dreams, don’t take it personally. Just let it roll off your back and kick some metaphorical llamas (in Bali or wherever), because their limits don’t define yours.
Catch ya in the next round of deep thoughts and coffee-fueled rants!